10. It’s half time and everyone’s still trying to decode the Roman numerals.
9. People are taking their bathroom breaks during the game so as not to miss the commercials.
8. After watching 16 hours of pregame coverage, everyone is asleep by kickoff.
7. Everyone’s trying to explain to your Tio why anyone would wear large cheese wedges on their heads... voluntarily. In his country, this was the punishment for murder.
6. Your morbidly obese friend keeps shoving nachos in his mouth and shouting instructions to the athletes on TV, oblivious to the irony.
5. Repo man shows up and takes the flat screen, so you put the game on the radio and recreate the action with shadow puppets.
4. The drinking game you started - drinking a shot for every euphemism used to sidestep mentioning Roethlisberger's sexual assault accusation (his 2nd) - has gotten out of hand. Ambulances have been called. Stomachs have been pumped.
3. It’s turned into an intervention. Fortunately, you're so stoned you barely notice.
2. Some guy who played high school football insists on explaining Aaron Rodger's mechanics.
1. Beer’s warm, pizza’s cold, and your bookie is at the door with a crowbar.
Your handsome and humble servant,