The World Cup is here. El Guapo is unable to control his fervid apathy. But since one can't entirely escape the World Cup and all the hu-ha surrounding it, he thought he'd find ways to help those who fool themselves into thinking that soccer is interesting.
Whatever you think of the world wide phenomenon, when games end in a 0-0 and 1-1 tie, one begins to look for ways to make watching tolerable. Here are just a few drinking games that will amp up your Cup watching experience. The rules: Whenever you observe any of the following, chug your favorite culturally fitting libation of choice.
As always, drink responsibly.
1. The sanctity of the dive in soccer cannot be ignored. Many soccer fans get aroused when they see a player flop around the ground like fish out of water after being struck with some phantom blow. So, when you see one of these artful performances, raise your glass and salute the thespian who immediately pops up and does a two-step after the red card has been given.
2. Whenever you hear the soothing sounds of a vuvuzela, drink up. The expert in the clip below will happily explain the obvious.
3. Whenever a goal is scored, and we all know how infrequently this happens, drink continuously until the celebration finishes. Usually you can tell the celebration is over when the announcer has stopped his endless shouting and his voice goes to pre-coital levels.
Finally: Of course, when your team loses, it's not a drinking game any longer. It's a coping mechanism. Keep drinking and don't stop until 2014 when you will in all likelihood be disappointed again. On the off chance that your team does win The Cup, chug away in celebration. Make it count.