Latinos Find The Internet….

An extensive new study funded and conducted by the eljumpingbean research department has unearthed some revealing facts about Latinos, technology, the internet, the blogosphere, and social media. First, after some digging we discovered that contrary to popular belief, Latinos were early adopters when it came to social media, and, in fact, may have been well ahead of the curve in many capacities. While revolutionary sites like Facebook and Twitter allow friends and businesses to stay in touch via an array of methods, it is not too different from what already exists in many urban Latino communities - that shrill Morse code whistle (pinkies under both sides of the tongue) used to pierce the neighborhood and let everyone know you’re going to the corner store.

To help Latinos avoid some common pitfalls in these areas, our researchers analyzed the data and compiled the following helpful list of don’ts when it comes to all the gadgets and services available.

  • Google “cock fight”. While your cultural love for battles between evenly matched fighting roosters with razor talons may be insatiable, you might want to take our word on this one. Our intern is still sobbing inconsolably and rocking in the corner.
  • Try to find your best friend from sixth grade, Jose Martinez, on classmates.com. This seems like a great idea at first thought, until you realize that the internet is but a macrocosm of the world. So, if you headed down to the local Garra and shouted “Jose” you would have exactly one in four males turn angrily and reply “Que buey?” – Now multiply this a couple billion times and imagine trying to find a Jose Martinez, the boy who used to eat glue, in that pile.
  • Tell your Abuelita that you are going to go “google” or “download” something. As there has always been, there is a generational technology gap (remember the blinking VCR?) and an innocent comment using the unfamiliar vernacular might cause some serious confusion. You might catch a hasty chanclazo before you’re able to explain yourself. And she’ll have you know that you’re never too old for one.
  • Send your Abue a Facebook request asking her to take a “Which Sex and the City Character Are You?” quiz. It’s all fun and games until you learn that she’s the slutty one.
  • Have your boss as one of your Facebook friends. When you call in sick with a lame cough and your best sick voice and then immediately post the following: “This hangover is kicking my ass” it just might prove a tad problematic.
  • Post your love poetry on your blog. It’s not that good. Sorry. Someone had to tell you. It all sounds like bad freestyle lyrics (yes, a bit redundant, we know). Maybe if you didn’t use the word “baby” at the end of every line and follow a rhyme scheme eerily similar to Green Eggs and Ham. Naw. It’d still suck.
  • Forget to include your name, social security number, blood type, and all credit card numbers when replying to the email from the deposed duke of Burkina Faso who needs your assistance and will transfer you $6 million. It speeds up the process.
  • Tweet any of the following or use it as a Facebook status:
-"Violatin my parole, again. Lol.”
-“Hope the guys I’m smuggling into the country in my trunk are doing well. Blue Honda Lic. Plate #COYO TE ~Honk if u c me.”
-"Maybe Lou Dobbs is right. I’m applying to be a border agent. First order of business: Toss Tia Luisa back from whence she came. Sorry Tia.
-“Watching Harry Potter at the Riverside Mall and recording a bootleg. I’m n da back. Holla. Don’t tell the cops. Lol.”
We hope this proves helpful.


  1. Good stuff today Guapo (even if I feel gay calling you that, not that there is anything wrong with being gay.) Its funny because its true! And since I have never signed in or collaborated with anything since before the hostile take-over (you know) this is---El Creido!

  2. As always El Guapo covers all the bases. Nothing escapes his brilliance. What can one say in the face of such mafnifience except for what one cannot spell. oh well
    When you gonna write about me?
    El Jo Ann or is it La Jo Ann
    How come only boys can be El?

  3. Following in your wise path, El Guapo, I offer this bit of advice for abuelita when she is using Google to find beauty products: Avoid any searches for "facial cream."

  4. Anonymous-

    There is no reason to feel gay calling me El Guapo. It's a statement of fact, like saying "Hey, look at that tree."

    Jo Ann (Author of The Throwaway Piece and White Bread Competition)-
    Thank you, again. Hmmm...If El Guapo is to write about you, you would become La Juana?

    Raul Ramos y Sanchez (Author of America Libre and El Nuevo Alamo)-

    Damn it if I am not a man of science and did precisely what you warned against only to satisfy my curiosity. Now Abue is in the corner, next to the intern, sobbing and rocking inconsolably. Thanks a lot, sir. I'll bill you for her therapy.

  5. You are deliciously hilarious. And Raul, ADM!

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