3/30/09

Young Latino Male Found Reading (Not LowRider Mag)

The following report is based on information received from a reliable source. While the details are sketchy, we will keep you posted on developments as we receive them. Here's what we know. Our trusted source tells us that witnesses outside a Chicago area KrispyKreme possibly encountered something akin to the Sasquatch, Abominable Snowman, Chupacabras, or Loch Ness Monster of the Latino world. The witnesses saw a young man who, "kinda looked like Freddy Rodriguez" reading a book that several eye-witnesses said was definitely fiction. Although, it is unclear how witnesses made this determination. One witness, 72 year-old Nectarine O' Connor, said that she is fairly certain she saw one of those Oprah Book Club stickers on the cover. "The young man was so engrossed in the book,"Nectarine added, "that he didn't notice the growing crowd gathering around him. Gapers' delays and a standing crowd of approximately 120 were reported. Eventually, someone in the astounded and silent gathering sneezed. The man looked up and said, 'Bless you'. This broke the subject's concentration and he was gone like a gazelle fleeing a jaguar. He stuffed the book into his school bag, gave everyone the finger, and hopped on a northbound bus." When asked about the reader's race, another witness, Geronima Suarez said, "I'm pretty sure he was Latino. I dunno. He looked like my nephew Ricky. He could have been Greek or something though, I guess, but I'm pretty sure he was Hispanic. If that man hadn't sneezed, I'd be able to tell you with more confidence." Of course, accounts like this have been reported in recent years with no definitive proof thus far. Last year a hazy camera phone picture was taken outside a Seatle cafe, but a team of specialists remain unconvinced. It was proven inconclusive and possibly doctored. We will continue to follow the investigation as it proceeds.

8 comments:

  1. hehehe you are so silly :) sometimes a sneeze can distort things...

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  2. I dig reading you. Amusing and poignant at the same time. Brilliant shit, man!!!

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  3. OMG I thought I saw the same thing the other day but I eventually realized that I was wrong because it was just some white dude that had just gotten back from Spring Break and had tanned himself so dark that he could pass for Latino. Whew I was so relieved.

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  4. Diane, by recognizing the brilliance of El Guapo you only confirm your own brilliance...

    Bronzword, Spring Break causes such confusion...This is why we must be scientific in our pursuit.

    Mayatalk, true dat (El Guapo can keep it street)

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  5. I hope he got on a bus headed to my house! Rawr!

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  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  7. Oye, I want to start a lucha libre match between my two favorite Latino satirists: you and Gustavo Arellano of the OC Weekly. I have challenged fans on your Facebook page to debate which one of you is the most macho. Follow the link for more details.

    http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?topic=8159&post=96392&uid=56140388648#post96392

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  8. Christina...settle down now...

    Raul...El Guapo defies comparison, and, yet, demands to know how YOU would vote. He is complex. Choose wisely...

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