11/9/08

Read this blog if...

Please, for the love of god, read and contribute to eljumpingbean ONLY if the following apply:

1. you are Latino (or you've met a Latino or you've seen one or you've eaten authentic Latin American food (Eating at Taco Bell disqualifies you) or you're, perhaps, interested in converting...Be warned that Latino conversion is an arduous process...Perhaps more on this in a future blog.

2. you thought that Saddam Hussein looked a lot like one of your uncles...the one who sort of looks like Vicente Fernandez. As a result, you thought to yourself..'Ay pobresito'.

3. you've been mistaken for your own children's nanny.

4. you've been waiting outside a nice restaurant when some puto hands you his valet ticket.

5. people have come to you first with questions about how to plant geraniums, the best way to deal with weeds, or any other gardening or landscaping dilemmas.

6. you know satire has nothing to do with your car's dope ass rims.

7. you've ever pondered, even in secret, getting any of the following tattoos: Aztec calendar, sad clown, rotweiller/pitbull, a half-naked woman on or near a lowrider, that shane-shane-shane guy from Three's Company.

8. there's a baby picture of you somewhere with a beer in your hand .

9. without fail, anytime you wear white someone offers you mole, posole, or enchiladas.

10. you go to a kids birthday to get hammered.

11. you watch the news and cringe every time the rapist or murderer is brown. (However, let's consider how this might make an amazing drinking game.)

12. you've sat in a college classroom and been asked to provide 'the Latino perspective' on an issue - because the professor believes we have a weekly conference call where we decide our monolithic opinion on everything.(Not a bad idea though...You want in?)

13. you've been grossed out by the fact that in some countries they eat dogs while at the same time you're stuffing your own face with beef tongue, brain, and tripe soup.

14. you are torn between finding Seinfeld re-runs funny and being absolutely offended by the fact that
on that show the only brown dude in New York is a busboy.

15. you say "supposubly".

16. you carry salsa in your purse or in your glove compartment.

17. you've eaten any of the following with a side of beans: cheeseburger, pizza, hot dog.

18. you harbor some anger over the fact that plenty of people think that "Livin' the Vida Loca" and Univision are exemplary reflections of all Latino culture, and that the only thing that's widely read by Latinos is a MySpace page.

19. you'd be interested in a space providing brilliant Latinos and the occasional pendejo with a chance for genuine discussion about the world and all that that entails...from the profound to profane...including reading, eavesdropping, or discussing with us. Tell a friend. Have none? Tell your mom. Have none? Ay, pobresito/a. All are welcome. Even you.

20. you'd enjoy some damn good satire and a real adult discussion that doesn't take itself too seriously but that offers you a chance to kick around an idea with other brilliant folks (the occasional pendejo is welcome as well...occasionally) till the idea in question is battered and bruised and ready to die... and afterward you feel enlightened, grateful, disgusted, confused, offended, angry, rattled, numb, alive, exhilarated, energized, entertained, insulted, flattered, touched (not like that, perv-o), and/or an endless combination thereof.

1 comment:

  1. I'll admit, I didn't like the first few, but the last redeemed the post. Don't know that I enjoy satire too much, though it's been done by Gustavo Arrellano far too much, placed into everyday use by George Lopez. How will this be different?

    ReplyDelete

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